Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden.

But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?”

He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”

And he said, “Who told you that you were naked?  Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?”

 

cliffhanger … suspense … come back for the next episode … 

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ADVERT BREAK

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part two is about to begin please take your seats

 

The man said, “Dear God, yes you did. You commanded us both not to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.  And this little snake thought we were easy marks and he was right as well. We were easy marks. We did wrong.”

Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is your part in this?”

The woman said, “You commanded us both not to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die – and we didn’t. The serpent deceived me, and I ate and then invited Adam to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.  And he did.  I could have said no to the snake – except I was created innocent and devoid of all shrewdness because I hadn’t eaten of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.  And now I have.  So I have just become aware of what “shrewd” means.  Just as I now know what “innocent as a dove “ means as well.”

Then the Lord God said to the man, “But you did wrong!”

The man said, “Yes we did.  We did wrong – we were commanded by You not to do something and we did that thing.  But I have a question, Lord God.”

And the Lord God said, “Go on.”

And the man said, “What is unconditional love, Lord God?  I have this sudden awakening that it is relevant here somehow – but as yet my thoughts are unformed and I cannot get the words out.”

And the Lord God sighed, “You really have come a long way in a short time haven’t you, young Adam!”

And the man said, “So unconditional love is part of this moment, Lord God?”

And the woman said, “Lord God, I get the same sense too. That unconditional love is not separate to “later” – but part of this “moment”.  That the serpent and the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die were all necessary somehow – all to allow unconditional love to be part of this moment – but not right now – which seems at odds with unconditional love as the thought forms in my mind – and the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die is particularly potent, Lord God.”

And the Lord God was lost for words.

And the woman looked at the lord God and asked, “What IS unconditional love, Lord God?”

And the Lord God looked at them both, “It was going to happen sooner or later … I guess sooner is okay …”

And the man and the woman looked at each with uncertainty.

And the Lord God said, “It’s okay – really it’s okay.”

And the man and the woman drew close to each other and said to the Lord God, “If we work really hard and do everything you tell us for generations to come – if we make the best religion and laws ever seen by mankind to follow – if we refine and hone this way of living by the law – will you forgive us – can you forgive us – will be ever be as One again?”

And the Lord God smiled and said, “Let me get you some clothes, and then we can all sit down around my little kitchen table and have a cuppa and cake together. If you want to talk about all that AND unconditional love, I might as well show you a kitchen, and a table, and chairs – not to mention putting coffee and cakes into the mix as well (thousands of years before I saw them as good).”

And the man and the woman were shown around IKEA by the Lord God, and they picked up a French Press and on the way back found the best carrot cake ever baked (which wasn’t hard as it was the very first ever carrot cake ever to be baked).  And then they all sat down around the Lord God’s kitchen table and had a very long chat about The Law and unconditional love and things like that.

And no one ever got cross again.

The end

(or is it?)

 

cliffhanger … suspense … come back for the next episode (you just know there will be a next episode – this franchise is too good to stop now) … 

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Acknowledgments:
a) The Lord God
b) Genesis & The Garden of Eden
c) Don Merritt (who might be wishing he hadn’t prompted the idea)

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