Kitchen Table Conversation: Justice, Crawling, Continuous

“Though I have no fear of God and no respect for anyone, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will grant her justice, so that she may not wear me out by continually coming.”

Luke 18:4-5

Yeah how long must you wait for it?
Yeah how long must you pay for it?
Yeah how long must you wait for it?
Oh for it

– Coldplay

I find that when I come to the end of myself, there He is, waiting. Wading through the brush, and the dirt and the branches, through the people and their ideas and opinions, through the various voices, news stories and religions, past thought aisles and philosophy, until I get to…silence.

At the end of rainbows are struggles and in preparation for the rainbows is testing. And at the end of testing is justice. After persistence and panting, searching, seeking, underneath and up above. Continual crawling and ultimate mercy, the fight to get those who are unloved to the front of the line for some food. The harder I seek the dirtier the road, the further I walk, the further I see the people who need to be seen. There are hungry people who need food. If I am not fed, if I do not struggle, if I do not writhe and beg to set myself free from the world, how then can I find and teach those that are drowning, shouting, hurting, haunted, barely living, barely holding on…

I am not mad that God has not acted, I am mad that I have not. That I have not spoken when I should have, or spoken too much, or not enough. I should’ve begged longer, held on longer, not given up on my prayer for the weary.

Could I not even watch and pray one hour?

I have failed but stand back up. I need to see with the eyes of God. She hurt me, so what? She is hurting, she deserved her own justice, but may have never got it…

Fairness is universal. Evil is the same wherever you go. Beg for the fairness we do not deserve ourselves. Beg for the justified soul that your enemy does not deserve. Twist and turn the hurt into a prayer for your foe’s salvation. Pray continually…

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Philippians 4:8 (NLT)

I was lawless and corrupt, I was lost, I was searching, I was begging, I didn’t deserve even one drop of the blood that flowed from the veins of my savior. Justice would have been my punishment for what I deserved. But in His mercy, His infinite mercy, my infinite begging, I found Jesus. He laid justice upon me when I deserved demise. He declared me His child when I deserved the gravest of penalties. He gave me His robe, I should have bore His thorns.

When we crawl, when we stretch, when we continually ask to be better than we are, when we never stop failing to reach for Him, we are justified, we are saved, we are made ready to extend our arms to the ones that need it most.

Most humble and eternal God, your justice is radical and eternal. Place within us the widow’s desperate call, asking you to save the lost and lonely and all the sinners like me who don’t deserve it. I will never stop asking you Father for your mercy. Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on us.