God I miss you my dear and forever sister…
In stages of glory, I grieve for you my friend. In surprising fashion as God always is, I grieve for you in the native tongue of our Lord. It is a deep expression of who we are as Jewish people, strong, glorious, deeply bonded to Him. I can find no other way to grieve but in the beloved language of my Lord Jesus. Thank you God for giving me words in a language that is too glorious for them.
For those that have never heard Adon Olam, I have included this beautiful rendition with the English translation. God is so beautiful in His native language, when He is unclothed, available and crying back out to us. When in doubt, praise Him, and praise Him again. These are the words I have heard from Him today.
Recently in my interview on EWTN, I talked about my prayer life in Hebrew and growing up in the conservative Jewish temple. I specifically spoke about my ability to read and pray in Hebrew but my inability to understand it. Yet, I felt closest to God when I was praying in Hebrew. I questioned whether God even understood English 🙂
I have realized that in our mourning we go back to what we know and who we are. It was no coincidence for me that I attended a Shiva last night after a friend’s mom died. Even though I didn’t join the minyan, I chanted in the back. It was chilling. But it wasn’t the mourner’s kaddish that moved me, it was the Jewish liturgical hymn “Adon Olam,” a praise song. Why did that connect with me? Why did that move me? I didn’t know it last night, but right after I came home from the Shiva is when I found out Susan died. And in the morning it was Adon Olam:
|MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE|
|Adon olam, asher malach,
b’terem kol y’tzir nivra.
L’et na’asah v’cheftzo kol,
azai melech sh’mo nikra.V’acharey kichlot hakol,
l’vado yimloch nora.
V’hu haya, v’hu hoveh,
v’hu yih’yeh b’tifara.
V’hu echad, v’eyn sheni
l’hamshil lo, l’hachbira.
B’li reishit, b’li tachlit,
v’lo ha’oz v’hamisrah.
V’hu Eli, v’chai go’ali,
v’tzur chevli b’et tzarah.
V’hu nisi umanos li,
m’nat kosi b’yom ekra.
B’yado afkid ruchi
b’et ishan v’a’irah.
V’im ruchi g’viyati,
Adonai li v’lo ira.The Lord of the Universe who reigned
before anything was created.
When all was made by his will
He was acknowledged as King.
And when all shall end
He still all alone shall reign.
He was, He is,
and He shall be in glory.
And He is one, and there’s no other,
to compare or join Him.
Without beginning, without end
and to Him belongs diminion and power.
And He is my G-d, my living G-d.
to Him I flee in time of grief,
and He is my miracle and my refuge,
who answers the day I shall call.
To Him I commit my spirit,
in the time of sleep and awakening,
even if my spirit leaves,
G-d is with me, I shall not fear.
It is understandbly confusing how one could express their grief in a language they do not understand but completely understand. Every word touched me. And even though you may not be Jewish, if you listen to the words of Adon Olam, they will move you too.
There is a move of the Spirit in Hebrew that is undeniable, I can hear Jesus speaking. And as I recited the rosary this morning for my dear sister, I cried out in Hebrew afterwards to God as if I already knew the words. I think grief produces in us the ability to connect with a part of us we don’t necessarily understand but want to touch. When I look up at the crucifix, I could cry this out to Jesus, God you are my God, adonai , King of the universe, abba it hurts, it hurts abba…
But I am gratful. I am grateful for the words God wrote that I never could. I am grateful for words that flow off my tongue and have meaning besides consonants and vowels. I am grateful for the Blessed Mother who stayed with me during the sorrowful mysteries and cried with me, Adon Olam.
I want to talk a bit about homosexuality.
And rigid beliefs.
And intractable hearts that don’t allow the Spirit to transform them.
And why we Christians seem to value sexual sin – any kind of sex, but homosexuality in particular – a higher order sin than any other.
Because I don’t think God does.
This subject piggyback’s off another blog I read a few of days ago entitled simply, Sodom.
So where do we get off thinking Sodom was destroyed for homosexuality? Well, if you have narrowness of vision, it begins and ends with Genesis 19:4-11.
But let’s go back for a moment to Genesis 18:20. “And the Lord said, ‘The outcry of Sodom and Gomorrah is indeed great, and their sin is exceedingly grave.’”
At this point, God reveals His plan to destroy the cities to His friend Abraham, who negotiates with God that if He finds even ten righteous among the city, God will not destroy it.
Enter two angels at the city gate; Lot sees them and bows down to them “with his face to the earth.” (Genesis 19:1) Lot invites the two gentlemen to his home to dine and spend the night. Here, the “all important” Genesis 19:4-11 relays the story of all the village men of Sodom, young and old, who come to Lot’s house to terrorize these visitors.
This is not about sex or relationship; this is about rape and violence. When Lot refused to hand over his visitors, he offered them his daughters to assuage their vicious craving. This wasn’t lust; it was greed. Men were worth more, and Lot offered them his possessions of lesser value to protect his celestial guests.
Now, in 19:13 the angels tell Lot to gather his family and take them out of the city because it will be destroyed. Why? “Because the outcry against its people has become great before the Lord, and the Lord has sent us to destroy it.”
Please now, those of you ready to jump the gun and declare the sin: it is still not defined by God or the angels!
Ah, but now we come to Ezekiel.
Ezekiel 16:15-17:24 is all about being unfaithful to God – it’s about breaking the Old Testament Covenant God established with Moses. Israel continually turned away from God, looking for reasons to abandon trust with Him. In this passage, God uses the terms whore, whoring, prostitute or adulterous over 20 times. It has nothing to do with sex. It has to do with turning back to idol worship when God gave them everything. God defines the sin for which Sodom’s was destroyed – and it isn’t what you think.
In addition, God says unfaithfulness is worse than anything Sodom may have done. (emphasis mine)
“As I live,” declares the Lord God, “your sister Sodom and her daughters have not done as you and your daughters have done. Behold, this was the guilt of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had pride, excess of food, and prosperous ease, but did not aid the poor and needy. They were haughty and did an abomination before me. So I removed them when I saw it.” (Ezekiel 16:48-50)
I mean, gosh – God didn’t even think enough about the “abomination” to name it. Like it was almost an afterthought. So what does God name as the guilt of Sodom?
Excess of food of wealth but not aiding the poor and needy.
And THIS, God declares, was not as sinful as idol worship. As breaking faith. As not trusting He will wholly and completely love and care for you. Grant you grace and mercy when you need it. Give you comfort, compassion and connection to His heart.
See – Jesus was God come to life in human form. Jesus was the personification of the Father. (“I and the Father are one.” John 10:30)
He told us what’s most important: ‘“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbour as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.” (Matthew 22:37-40)
He said, “Love one another as I have loved you.” (John 13:34)
He said, “By this all people will know you are my disciples if you have love for one another.” (John 13:35)
As His disciple John said, “Let us not love in word or talk, but in deed and in truth.” (1 John 3:18)
This message of love and hope also posted on Susan Irene Fox