Soon the music will fade away, and I will fade into His arms. Through the one thing that I grasp onto, He will take away, to create a deeper, more penetrable relationship with Him. Without even a whisper or a prayer, it was there in my heart. There was no screaming, or crying. I am no longer expecting easy. Crucifixion, circumcision of the flesh, refining and fiery furnaces. We must sometimes spend periods without the things we hold onto, so we can hold onto Him.

It has been many weeks that I have been tempted. Many days the enemy has sought to rule over me. I didn’t move this time. Not because I am strong, but because I am weak and know God will fight for me. Know God has a plan for me. Know I still have so many things I myself have to work on. The attacks, they kept coming… relentlessly. Ahhhh but the sweetness of suffering for my savior. The depth and breath of wanting to get it right. Trying to understand Him and His vast and unending love for me. It is not conditional or political or the like. It does not have a color. It is not romantic or overly dramatic. It is pure like the whitest of snow, breathless and highly addictive. It is the only place I want to be. 

It is amazing the lengths the enemy will go to keep you from where God would have you. And when he can’t get to you through his usual avenues, he inhabits and plays with your mind. How ghastly and disastrous to use your past against you, your weaknesses against you. This time, I didn’t believe him. He used scripture, so did I . I refused to miss the blessings. In a culmination of pure bliss, all of my children were baptized on Sunday. All accepted Christ. All are now covered in His precious blood.

How would I or could I think that the enemy would not go on the attack? For every step we take in righteousness, satan is there to wreak havoc. But this time I stood still, this time my thoughts were, I’ll praise you anyway, this time the answer from my heart was, Lord you have counted me worthy to suffer for your name! And all the while in my soul I was barefoot and dancing, singing to the music that He provided.

Don’t move because the enemy does. Don’t announce your suffering. Know its happening and claim it. Let satan know you’re moving on despite. Act as if. Keep walking. Hurl the Word back in his face. Kiss the precious feet of your savior. He will wipe away your tears.

God must think I’m special, and ready to endure. I am not who I once was. The world, it is a liar. And I know now, there is only one truth.

To Christ be the glory forever and ever Amen!