I love Jesus but I cannot love God

“Most people want to help make this world a better place but many do not know where to start. I have found that the first place to start is right in my own head.

If I do a good job there, I can work outwards from there and bless others. This site is a personal blog about the things I need to keep telling myself – not too many things. Just the simple fact that very little is required to make life happy.

As simple as that sounds, I need to prove it in my mind everyday, time and again. I do this through my passion for prose, free verses and non-factional opinions. I do this because the dark valleys of life often slide in unannounced. Nonetheless, as the saying goes, it is still better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.

My joy will multiply if these musings ever help anyone that stumbles on them .”

I believe in connections. I believe God Soft Hands Jesus moves across these blogs. I believe my GSHJ invites me to move in connection.

One simple “like” from a name unknown. One unexplained sense to have a look. A landing page post not written for me. So why this sense it is of He? To the “About” page to look behind, to taste the sweat of another on a keyboard far away. And here is why, here is He. This is why He whispered so quietly in me.

“Most people want to help make this world a better place but many do not know where to start. I have found that the first place to start is right in my own head.”

A better place – yes! But what can I do? I am only me. No one listens to me. I can’t change anything or anyone. Not really. Not like I see others change lives. Not like others have changed me. Ah well … maybe one day …

“As simple as that sounds, I need to prove it in my mind everyday, time and again.”

A long time ago I watched a video. The speaker was inspirational. One of those guru type inspirational speakers. I have seen a few. I have even met a few. And I have thought myself changed. The memory is of this speaker painting a picture. Of approaching the Pearly Gates and being asked in breathless excitement, “How many did you bring me?” How many saved souls. How many lives changed. “How many did you bring me?”

I looked behind me and saw no one. And as well as inspired I was unworthy. I brought no one. Only me. And here was this speaker. He would have thousands behind him. We all should have thousands behind us. And I saw no one. Make disciples. Preach the Good News. Save souls from an eternity of separation. Bring thousands. It is the clarion call I hear again and again. Revival. Mission. Outreach. Education. Junior Church. Mega Church. Where did you find God this weekend. When did you last admit you are a Christian. Why are not at church each Sunday. Wait until you become a mature Christian.

And I saw no one.

It took several years for GSHJ to get through my thick skull. He used others. He took the direct route. He never gave up on my giving up. And slowly – bit by bit – I began to hear.

The biggest gift – the best gift – the ONLY gift I can ever bring … is me. The only “How many did you bring me?” my God Soft Hands Jesus ever wanted was …

One.

And it took me years to get that. It took me years for me to get the “why”. And my getting it – my “why” – is mine alone.

But what I hear Him ask is this.

“Tell them I have no number other than one. Tell them one is all there ever is. One is all and all is one. Forget the big numbers. Forget the worldly measure of “success”. Forget the inspiration that tastes good in the mouth yet leaves your stomach sick. Tell them I do not count and never have. Tell them I never will. I will never judge thirty years “service” better than none. I will never applaud headcount other than one to one. I will never hold higher one who gave more. For if you give you – there can never be “more”. Counting is conditions and conditional love. That is why I only see one. Unconditional never compares. Unconditional love always shares. Love without condition will never count. Not more than one in one right now.”

For all those who think “my blog is not enough” …

One simple “like” from a name unknown. One unexplained sense to have a look. And here is why, here is He. This is why He whispered so quietly in me.

Who is this “name unknown” my GSHJ invited me to … ? It is –

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AYOKA – Things I should be telling myself

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A sense to connect is yours alone.

All I ask is that you listen and hear without numbers.

That you listen to One.

Thank you –

paulfg

I hope you enjoyed your time off. It struck me as a “coincidence” yesterday that after “seven chapters” this series “rested”. I wouldn’t claim that was God at work – good heavens no! But as it was not a conscious choice to reflect after “seven” – I think I might have heard good old God Soft Hands Jesus roaring with laughter again!

Okay – here we go … again …

In my journey as a Christian there a few roadblocks in the bible. All because “we read the bible as a script for a play. A script we dare not change.” We are taught not to change the bible. We are taught that is bad teaching. Just as I was taught the true God – just as “I knew the God everyone told me about.”

Just as when I was taught to drive I accepted what I was told. Speed limits. Traffic lights. Solid white lines. Overtaking. Not overtaking. Braking slowly. Emergency braking. One instruction after another. All accepted as the only way to drive. All reinforced and practiced time and time again: “This is how you pass your test – if you want to pass your test THIS is the only way. So stop asking questions and just do what I say – and you will soon be zipping around on your own – no longer a learner driver! Isn’t THAT more important than “asking questions”?”

Or exams at school and university. Or job interviews and workplace assessments. Or books about childcare and how to bring up the perfect child. Or relationships. Or finding yourself. Or being at one with nature. Or the meaning of life. Always: “THIS is how … isn’t THAT more important than …?”

I think the Chosen People were no different. They asked questions. They kicked back. Time after time they kicked back. We all do. And in the bible they were told (time and time again): “THIS is how it has to be – THIS is the BIG GOD – there is the BIG Promised Land – isn’t THAT more important than a little hardship here, a little famine there, a few rules here, a few laws there .. ?”

I think the Chosen People needed to find themselves. And they did so in a time(s) and place(s) very different to our own. And they did so with a bible very different to our own. When invasion and genocide was the way to win – the way to remain focused – the way to show the others you were not to be messed with.

Just as today when “our country” went/goes to war the first thing we all do is to pray to “our” BIG GOD to be on our side and to help us to wipe out our enemies – to keep our boys safe – and to smite theirs. It’s how we do things today. To not pray would be weird – would mean we don’t even believe in our God – which means we don’t want to keep our boys (and girls) safe – and we don’t care about our country being over-run by “them”.

Not praying to “our God” is a massive statement. Because what if there is a God … what if “they” pray and we don’t … what if “they” wipe us out …? All because we didn’t pray … ?

Look at how we view this “war on terror” right now? Don’t we have our BIG GOD and they don’t? But what if our BIG GOD gave up on us because we didn’t pray to Him? And what if their little god didn’t because they still were praying? What then?

And what do we do to earn our BIG GOD’s protection and intervention? We have BIG services and BIG prayers and BIG worships as we ask our boys (and girls) to smite our enemies and drive our enemies from their (promised) lands so we can be safe in our (promised) lands.

I wonder … is there really an Old Testament God we cannot believe in … the One who smites His enemies … ?

And – just as we pray for God to keep our boys (and girls) safe (as we wave them into battle) – is it not for similar reasons that the Chosen People splashed so much sacrificial blood around? It was simply how you kept your God(s) happy and on your side back in THEIR day. So if – today – the norm was a sacrifice industry (rather than a tithing industry), a blood-letting industry (rather than a volunteering industry), an appeasing industry (rather than an intercession industry) … Would we really turn our noses up at a bit of sacrificial blood-letting?

Because don’t we still “sacrifice” gay and lesbian souls on our altars of worship (because the bible says so). Don’t we still sacrifice failed humanity – all those depressed, divorced, suicidal, all those (who are so selfish they actually won’t let God make them “happy”) so “damaged” (so they say!) that they blame God? Don’t we still see today all those so hurting only to be told: “We don’t do that here – the bible says … “ (and the “loving” checklist comes out with our practiced biblical “love”).

So just why is that we poo-poo the Old Testament” and THEIR God but never see the “emotional blood sacrifices” that WE still continue today? Why is it that WE shrug and say “It’s just how things are. It’s what the bible says. It’s all to do with original sin and being saved. It’s how we do things here. And if you want to be saved isn’t THAT more important than all your questions … ?” How loving and NEW God is that?

And then moving beyond even that thought …

What if all that genocide never really happened at all? What if all that marching to war and wiping out whole nations never really happened either? What if all that blood and sacrifice was “the norm” back in the day – the ONLY way the Chosen People could get THEIR heads around any BIG GOD back in THEIR day? What if the bible (and bible writers) were simply “bigging-up” the Chosen People – keeping them on-message – keeping them focused on actually being the Chosen People (and using the bible to do that)?

Which brings us smack-bang-back to how we read our bible today as “the official Godly inerrant infallible Christian minutes” of how it was – and how it must be today.

Because what if writing “history” was not writing “history” at all (not as we know expect and demand our history)? What if the biblical (inerrant and infallible) “history” was never history (as we know and expect it) but always writing which changed THEIR present by changing THEIR past? How would the bible look then … and would YOUR faith stand that kind of mental shift … ?

Because – here is a real kicker …

What if THEIR New Testament (and now ours) was the same way of “writing” history? What if their New Testament was simply to change THEIR present by changing THEIR Old Testament history back in THEIR day – the post-Jesus days (which are now our days and our present)? But which are NOT our present and NEITHER our past – not as “history”.

Would we even think of insisting that “our” bible is inerrant and infallible in “our” lives and “our” living today? Would we have any grounds for kicking the shit out of each other with academic theology and dogma about “but the bible says this and the bible says that”? Not in the way we still do today.

And … how can I even write this stuff and even call myself a Christian?

Isn’t this what we have all been warned about – taught to look for? To look for “false teaching” – to reject false teaching – to give such “Christians” a wide berth – because they are not really Christians at all. They are the devil in disguise. The bible says so. Our minister says so. We have all been taught this is “so” – and so we all say so!

Is it just me, or is there a pattern emerging here … ? Through the “Old” bible … through the “New” bible … right through to today … ?

Okay – I know most of the world is caught up in the much more important matter of who becomes the next President of the United States of America … so … see you back here tomorrow. Thank you