I’m over Christianity

It’s Sunday morning and I’m here debating whether or not to shut down this blog. It was originally intended as an online way to journey, to share my life real and honest with others. I did the same with my secular blog except that it was clothed in anonymity and prose. And although people flocked to it, it was mired in pain and sin and God wiped it clean when I came out of the water, when I was free.

As my blog journey has continued, it has taken me so many unexpected places. It has brought people back into my life who I hadn’t spoken to in many years, it has allowed others to reach out to me who have been sexually abused and asked me for prayer. It brought me to the Catholic church and allowed me to free myself from some of the bondage I still suffered from, namely people pleasing. There has been so much refinement and blessing. Honesty will do that- allow God to mold and shape you into who He wants you to be.

But lately as I journey on, I see a sad trend in Christian writers who feel bashing Catholics, posting derogatory articles about Catholics, or making seemingly “harmless” arguments masquerading in “doctrine” about Catholics on the rise. Many of the blogs I used to read, I cannot read anymore. And you might say, well say something! Yes I could do that. But then I would have to quit my job and my family to have the adequate amount of time to lovingly tell people to cease and desist hating Jesus.

The typical arguments I receive are:

“Oh well you’ve only been saved for a little over two years”  (Not sure where Jesus stated a requirement for how long one needs to be saved before talking about Him, help me out here people…)

“You didn’t go to seminary so you don’t know your doctrine” (Ummm, ok well the same bible you’re reading tells me that I actually don’t have to go to seminary to do that. But oh that’s right, Jesus went to your alma mater, forgive me!).

“Look at the sexual abuse that’s occurred in the Catholic Church and you want to go there?” (Oh yeah that’s right, only priests sexually abuse children, duh!)

“Catholics believe in tradition and don’t read the bible like we do.” (Oh yes that’s right. Let’s completely forget the first Christians were Jews who came out of synagogue with ummmm traditions and reading of scripture out loud before the whole congregation. Shhh let’s just flush that and start again our way, the right way!).

There are so many more that if I wrote all of them down this post would become a novel. Suffice it to say I’m over it, way over it. So over it that I am embarrassed for the non-believers out there including militant atheists who read some of this stuff. I am not quite sure in a hurt and dying world why people would feel it is their “job” to proselytize (or their version of it, I call it bashing, but tomato, tomatoe, right?) Catholics. And don’t get me started on about one billion other topics that Christians write about out here which wouldn’t even lead my dog to the Lord.

So as I mull over my decision to leave this blog, I’d say to all of you Christian bloggers who are using your space to hate on Catholics, please in the name of Jesus take that stuff down. Hello, we have work to do out here! And just so you know rather than it “converting” me into another non-Catholic denomination it’s hurting me and making me run the other way, all the way into possibly shutting down this blog. Maybe some other Catholics won’t tell you how they feel, but I will. Because I was one of you before becoming one of them. And what you’re doing is not love, it’s not love at all. And some of you have completely missed what the gospel message is all about.

Honesty is something, huh?

(Thanks my friend for the song. Hard to listen to but, I did, and I needed it. And you know, others do to.)

Why am I here?

I read a post this morning (fantastic by the way) about how to garner more comments out here on WordPress, meet and greets and the like. It got me to wonder that age old question, why am I here?

What started out as a recovery breakthrough and call from God has taken on a life of its own that led me all the way to the Catholic church. I’ve met people out here in blog-land who’ve accepted me throughout the entirety of this journey, and some who have not. I read and re-read so many theology based posts I sometimes become nauseous with the verbose and stale translations that make Jesus dead. I’ve been asked to be myself but most times I’ve been asked not to be myself. At times I don’t even know what to call myself. 

The mass, it is my saving grace.  Receiving Jesus weekly in the Eucharist has taken me to places I never thought I’d be spiritually. The celebration of Him, the focus on His sacrifice and the participation at His table is at times overwhelming for me. I could float off in the distance in my little Catholic life, and maybe God will let me do that. I pray God will let me do that. But it’s times like this I find and know my writing and working out my salvation is as much for you as it is for me. And I am not concerned about comments, online cocktail hours or whether you like me or not. No, the truth is so much more than that. 

We try and make people conform to the way we think they should be. We say that being a Christian makes us free, but I was in bondage over people pleasing so much more than I was in the world. Even now, it is hard at times to write what God has for me, knowing it will draw your ire. But be myself I must, I know who I am, and God does too.

I wish more people would write about their struggles and realities rather than cloak themselves in bibles. I wish more people would be honest with themselves about who they are. I can’t imagine that most Christians don’t use the word moron in their everyday vernacular or get angry or feel hurt or sad. I can’t imagine why we can’t and won’t accept people right where they are, and why we need to shove the gospel down their throat like bad medicine. If I cannot be myself in Christ, where else can I go to do that? Certainly not back to the world which has nothing to offer except certain death…

We have to allow ourselves to feel, to grow, to move inside and outside of ourselves, to be healthy, to get healthy and to take others with us. We can’t exist inside a shell of who we are. We can’t be perfect. We have to reach out in the language that the person our hand is extended to understands.

So why am I here? I don’t know. I ask myself that question a lot these days. So I’ll ask you the same, why are you here, what are the intentions in your heart? Is your space self-serving, do you tear down others with your words, do you judge, do you hide behind pretty things, do you get angry and let the writer know, do you let people be free to be themselves and give them the words you know they need? What are you doing here? Well?